Birthdays are about our parents

Some people don’t like to celebrate birthdays. It is important to remember that birthdays are about our parents and all they went through to give us life.

I often hear people disappointed on their birthday. Whether it is about growing older (something we don’t really have a choice about) or perhaps about how we might feel about the imaginary number we designate as our “age”. Some even say that they are celebrating the anniversary of a lesser age that they feel better about. Like the 20th anniversary of my 27th birthday. Too much math! I’d rather own the number. 47 – wow!

Regardless, birthdays are not really about us. It seems weird to say this, but the truth is that is a celebration of the day you came into the world and the many tireless hours it took to raise you into adulthood and independence.

As a parent of three boys I am rediscovering what it is to sleep later than 8 am – now that all my sons are into their teens. Before that time the feeling of being exhausted permeated throughout our household. Anyone who is a parent knows this all too well. So tireless is an understatement.

Celebrating a birthday might also be about the struggle to conceive you in the first place. More often than not, your parents may have tried to have you for years and for whatever reason it wasn’t the right time to create you. Some even have to have medical help to do this. Of course, there are many who adopt their child(ren) as well. Whatever the means to get you into a loving home and life – so be it. That is worth celebrating!

The struggle to have a child and to raise a child is a real one for many. There are many situations where a child doesn’t have a loving home to grow up in. Regardless, of that tough fact – it is important to recognize that your emergence in the world is due to someone and even in all that hardship there was momentary glimpses of love. Having that be your truth is still worth celebrating because it has shaped you into the person you are today. You might be a much stronger person because of that lack of love in your life. Own it. Celebrate it anyway. Life is not for the faint of heart. Birthdays are special.

So before you go about saying you’re not happy with the number you have reached remember two things: 1. It is a made up number. If you feel good – feel good and embrace that more than some number that we designate as your “age”. 2. Growing older can be something really special. When you consider how many people in the world do not live past 60 years old, you are very lucky to be alive when more and more people are living well into their 80’s and beyond.

In the developed world we have preventive health care – which means if you get a regular check-up you can exceed most of the underdeveloped world in your life expectancy. This is of course an accident of birth and where you live in the world. If you have access to clean water, nutritious food, comfortable living space, and family and friends not too far away – you are way luckier than most of the world.

Not to bog you down with statistics, but the truth about my birthday is very simple. It is a gift of the sacrifices and love my parents showed me in my youth and continue to show me as I age. They are the people to celebrate on my birthday because of how they raised me and how hard they worked to give me a better life than they had growing up. It is a transference of opportunity that we celebrate on my birthday. The idea that without them I would not be the man I have become. That deserves joy and gratitude – not feeling sad because I am a few years away from 50. I am excited about the prospect of growing older. I think with it I gain perspective and clout. These two things may have been wasted on my younger self.

So embrace your age. Embrace the moment you are living in. Embrace that fact that someone loved you enough to bring you into this world. Even if your childhood was not perfect (and let’s be honest no one has a perfect childhood) there is still something very profound about the love that brings you to the point you are at. Whether you search it out or it surrounds you most days – love is paramount and central to the idea of what a birthday celebration should/could be.

And if you think the world is doomed and without hope – a birthday is the least of your problems! But we can address that another time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me and thanks to my friends and family for all the LOVE! I celebrate today doing what I like to do: Writing this message, enjoying a birthday coffee, and knowing that the calls and texts (and social media posts) all started when my parents fell in love and decided to have a child that grew up into the man I am today.

How do you celebrate your special day?

Do you find joy in growing older? Why or why not?